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Sunday, 28 June 2015

(BOOK) Maximum Ride Forever - James Patterson

Summary:
THE NINTH AND ULTIMATE MAXIMUM RIDE STORY IS HERE! Legions of Max fans won't be disappointed by this encore episode in the beloved series about the incredible adventures of a teenage girl who can fly. As Maximum Ride boldly navigates a post-apocalyptic world, she and her broken flock are roaming the earth, searching for answers to what happened. All will be revealed in this last spectacular "ride"- a brand-new grand finale featuring all of the nonstop action, twists and turns that readers can rely on in a blockbuster Patterson page turner!

Date Reviewed: 6/21/15
Stars: TWO
Should You Read This: No. Absobloomelutely not.
Age Range: 14+
Review:
Wow. That summary sounded great, right? Don't be fooled. This series was supposed to end at book 3. Then at book 8 it was supposed to really and truly, finally be over. Or so we all thought. Not so. Book 9 is here and I am here to tell you not to bother reading it. If you really want to know what happens - read this short concise paragraph instead of 383 pages of wasted time.

Blah, blah, mutant kid paradise island is on fire, running away yadayada. Max still isn't over Dylan apparently, what? Dylan disappears. The flock wants to break up boohoo. Max and Fang sleep together after only 75 pages of book big whup. It's their first time plus they have wings and they do it outside on the ground on some leaves and no doubt a couple of twigs. How can that be comfortable? Max doesn't know whether their voices are rising in pain or pleasure. It's pain Max, trust me. Fang leaves her under the cover of darkness cos Angel's still on about Fang dying soon. What is it with James Patterson lately with the teen sex and the guy leaving the girl right after whilst she sleeps? No idea. Anyhow, Max travels about alone, weird stuff happens, the flock is split up and getting killed off. There's some confusing stuff with 'Horsemen'. Blah blah. Fang dies. The flock really isn't dead it was just Dylan faking their deaths for an evil guy. War on evil guy. Max is pregnant with Fang's baby cos there aren't condoms in the apocalypse. Evil guy dies. Dylan sacrifices himself to bring back Fang. Oh boohoo. Max doesn't tell Fang she's preggers till she can feel the baby kicking. WHAT!?!?! Is Fang so dim now that he can't see her bulging growing stomach!? Doesn't make sense. Fang is thrilled he's going to be a dad. Max gives birth and apparently screams through a long labor, punches Fang, rips a pillow in half and gets her 'nugget of joy' aka her winged baby daughter. It skips to the future when her daughter Phoenix is four and on her first flight. The end. Or so they say. Why do I feel like we'll be seeing a spin-off series called Phoenix Flies or something by next year? (Don't you dare steal that title idea, James, I will sue.)

Anyhow, someone needs to take away all of James Patterson's pens, pencils, tablets, laptops, computers, paper, anything and everything he can write on. Seriously. Don't let him write again, even if he says it will be mind blowing and the next great American novel.

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